Guilty as Charged

Mike G played on the church softball team with me. His brother Steve did too. It was a fun game to play with friends. Fellowship with like minded individuals and recap the games on Sunday. Good times.
Until I had to use Mike in a professional capacity. Marriage counseling. Not cool, not so fun and if I remember correctly,  the end of my nearly professional career as a church league softball player.
Things were not amazing at home. Life was difficult in the relationship department and I knew Mike was in the business and I liked and respected him. So I paid him for a few visits and explored my inner workings.
I think it was the 3rd and final visit that got to the root of the problem and after that, I didn't return to his office or the team or even the church for some time.
A little of topic...Gary Smalley is a very successful Christian Family counselor and in his studies, successful families have one thing in common,  camping.
We didn't camp and I usually have a current point to make as I tell a story, regardless of whether I tell the story good or bad.
During my last session with Mike , I used the word deserve. I don't remember the sentence but it was his sudden increase in writing that made me realize it might be important.  The second time I said it, ten minutes later, after a flurry of scribbling and a "hmmmm" I knew I found out something important.  Well, it wasn't until he said "you used that word twice".
I knew then that I was guilty of something that kept me from finding peace and happiness in my life, at least on a subconscious level. What was it that I needed to deserve happiness? To deserve tranquility in my life?
In retrospect it is easy to answer this...I needed to not feel guilty for being me. For being born in a country that allows me certain qualities of life that others don't have.
I have learned over the years that even though I have had a few extra opportunities because of education, skin color, country of birth, or any other non-politically correct situation that I should not question whether I deserve something or not. I have scratched and clawed my way through life, the same as others. I've been homeless and penniless and still fought through it all. I have not felt the discrimination that some skin colors have but I never felt privileged either. But to look south of the border, at the invasion that may soon try to cross our border, and try to justify it by saying we are more privileged than they were and we don't deserve the lives we have, this thought process should find you on Mike G's couch.
Just because we have made a life for ourselves through any and every obstacle we've encountered does not mean for one second that everyone will have our live because they have not earned it.
No regrets for who I am and what I've done with my life? Yes, i am guilty as charged